Listening – Power of Listening – Creating a Culture of Listening

Communication is the most important skill in everyone’s life.  Reading, Writing, Speaking and Listening are the four basic types of communication. Where we spend most of our waking hours in any form of communication. The ability to make effective communication is very crucial. Among all, “listening” is most critical for effective communication.

Let us discuss about how Listening is different from Hearing? – Hearing is natural and it does not depend on individual wish. Sound happens in surrounding enters through our ears is hearing which may not always as per your wish. Whereas Listening is intentional, deliberate efforts to know and understand the sound.

We are spending years to learn how to Read & Write. Also, we are spending many years how to Speak? But for listening comparatively we are spending negligible efforts to learn, how to listen?

I can remember, at my childhood, there were few doctors in our locality. I was surprised see, even after all were technically competent, patients are normally preferring to visit one doctor instead of long queue there, although other have less crowd. The only difference is that, before writing prescription, the preferred doctor allows the patient to express all, what are in their mind without any interruption and listened with full attention, whereas others become busy to write prescription immediately after diagnosis, does not wait for patients’ expression. Though all recommended medicines are similar, still patients feel more comfortable and satisfied with him – what could be the reason for the same? – Later on, I could find out the one of the most possible reasons could be, somewhere somehow linked with “Listening in true sense”.

If someone asked me how many friends you have made since childhood?  Answer would be many and can make a long list of them. If next question asked how many close friends still you are in relation, family relations even after long time? then it find difficult to get large number, it may be few. what could be the reason for the same? – the one of the most possible reasons could be somewhere somehow connected with “Listening in true sense”.

If anyone asked, how many of your colleagues are so close that you can share your feeling with current state of the mind and feels happiness or comfortable or relax with his/her presence unlike to others. The answer will be similar as previous, there will be few in count – here also one of the most possible underline reasons could be somewhere somehow connected with “Listening in true sense”.

How many times you have observed, in a meeting room, person sitting with working laptop keeping focus on the laptop, intermittently he is responding and take part in discussion. If you are one of member of that discussion how you feel about ? Are you able to mentally accept that person in meeting, irrespective of his position in the organization? will you comfortable and happy with that person in discussion? the answer all questions will be obvious “No” – what makes this happens – the one of the most possible underline reasons could be linked with “Listening in true sense”.

In our routine life, we may have faced many incidents regularly at workplace, home, society, friends circle, where we found people are not much concerned about listening, even though this is one of the most important parts of communication. People loves to speak, and we wrongly believe that speaking is one of the strongest communication skills among all four. Communication cycles will then complete when both speaker and receiver are ready to exchange each other.

In our routine life, we may have faced many incidents regularly at workplace, home, society, friends circle, where we found people are not much concerned about listening, even though this is one of the most important parts of communication. People loves to speak, and we wrongly believe that speaking is one of the strongest communication skills among all four. Communication cycles will then complete when both speaker and receiver are ready to exchange each other.

Stephan R Covey, Author and VC of Franklin Covey Co. rightly told “Most of the people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They are either speaking or preparing to speak”. He also mentioned about five different levels of Listening.

• • Ignoring Listening: Ignore the person, who is speaking, in mind instead physically.

• • Pretending Listening: Practice of pretending lie respond, right, ok, yeah…. etc.

• • Selective Listening: Hearing only certain parts of conversation.

• • Attentive listening: Paying attention and focusing on words that are being said. Listen with intent to reply, either speaking or preparing to speak.

• • Empathetic listening: Listening with the intent to understand. Seeking first to understand, Listening gets inside another person’s frame of reference.

There was a meeting called by Project Lead of a Manufacturing Unit – A, with relevant functional Managers regarding a new project of upcoming new product execution. Project Lead received information from corporate office about the urgency of project implementation at this site. And he has made some planning along with timelines in his mind about project execution before calling the meeting. 

At the starting of the meeting as a context setting, he has shared about the background and objective, followed by open discussion to conclude the successful execution plan with timeline.

After a while, open discussion and viewpoints sharing started,

Manufacturing Manager: Looking to the present production situation, running working load and crisis of manpower & other resource, the timelines need to review again thoroughly and can be committed accordingly.

Project Lead: What for you are here? As a production manager you have look about the same and complete the execution in defined timeline.

Manufacturing Manager: Ok, sir.  (Silence)

Manufacturing Manager:  In rest of the meeting, most of the time keeping him silence and some of time responding like “Right”…. “Ok”….. “Yeah”…..etc…

Engineering Manager: Keeping operation and facility up-keeping in view, there are certain new requirements needs to fulfill and need to incur some cost, for which we need to have details working. And timeline for arrangement of new requirement needs to workout along with project team.

Project Lead:  What additional requirement you are telling? You as an Engineering manager need to arrange internally whatever you can do, only minor expenditure can be permitted and that needs to do within timeline.

Engineering Manager: In rest of the meeting, most of the time keeping him silence and keeping laptop open, do some work & intermittently respond whenever specific question ask.

Quality Manager: Need to detail review about requirements of process. At present situation workload is high looking to upcoming audits and we need to decide priority of all for planning.

Project Lead:  I know you will talk about the same, that you can discuss with your team and do it, if required discuss with your seniors also.

Quality Manager: Ok sir, we also need to assess all relevant information and documents we have and also needs to check any other documents from other facility  before proceeding

Project Lead:  But that you can do with your counterpart or your seniors or R&D

Quality Manager: I know sir, but looking to the current scenario it will take time for review and planning.

Project Lead:  Ok, However, do review immediately, discuss with seniors and revert.

Quality Manager: ok, rest of the time keeping him silence.

At the end of the discussion there are no fruitful results, all are demotivated & under stress and conclude requirements of another discussion for further way forward and final planning. Team will not perform well for Project lead, and they will also stop giving idea in any future discussion with him.

In another Manufacturing Unit, at Unit-B where Project Lead was different, but situation was similar, new product execution requirement floats from corporate office. Here approach to handle the situation and team is quite different than Unit-A

Manufacturing Manager:  Looking to the present production situation, running working load and crisis of manpower & other resource, the timelines need to review again thoroughly and can be committed accordingly.

Project Lead: I agree with you dear, look, this project is very important for the organization. Our seniors have a high expectation on us and having confidence on site team for successful execution. Now this is the opportunity for site team, to proof us again to our seniors.

I understand your concern, in present situation there are resource crunch and people are tide-up with routine work. Let us note down your views and discuss on each point. wherever support required, we will work together. Don’t worry about timeline, we will jointly discuss with your team also and make a feasible schedule.

Manufacturing Manager:  Yes sir, I agree with you, we will work together and will successfully reached the target.

Project Lead also addressed all concern & points of Engineering Manager, Quality Manager in similar fashion. And both Engineering Manager, Quality Manager also join to Manufacturing Manager to conclude the discussion in similar manner.

Meeting has progressed little longer than previous but by end of meeting, most of the solutions has suggested by team only, there are hardly few points which needs to discuss for further support, but each member was very motivated and share each possible concern along with solution.

If we look at conversation at Manufacturing Unit-A, and we can analyze all three conversions with respect to different levels of listening,

During conversion with Manufacturing Manager, he has concluded in his mind that Project Lead will not going to listen to him, so he lost interest and stopped listening to Project Lead further. But, as a junior, though he cannot ignore him physically & left meeting room, he is continuing in meeting room with “Ignoring listening”. And sometimes continue with “Pretending Listening” to maintain the meeting room discipline.

During conversion with Engineering Manager, he has also similar thinking of Manufacturing manager, so he also lost interest and stopped listening to Project Lead and continuing “ignoring listening” in rest of the meeting and sometimes continued with “Selective listening”

During conversation with Quality Manager, Project Lead are doing “Attentive listening” and started reply immediate after completing each point. He listens to him intent to reply to his words and to answer each point promptly he has preparing for the same when quality manager speaking.

In all above three cases, Project Lead is listened in intent to reply from his judgement, never trying to understand others beyond the words. He has trying to impose the planning what he has already made in his mind. He has projected his own thoughts, judgements, and assumption only. As a result, all team members are disconnected, and they also stopped listen to him in true sense.

Now let us look at conversation at Manufacturing Unit-B, we can analyze found here something different.

Project Head shows the “Empathetic Listening”, listen to understand, seeking first to understand in reference to his team members.  He has trying to understand his team members deeply and purposefully. And try to explain the objective & purpose of this meeting, importance of this project and boost confidence & motivation among team members.

Here during conversation, he was empathetic rather than sympathetic to team. Sympathy is the form of agreement or judgement with emotion & response. Whereas empathy is not agreed with someone, it is that fully, deeply understanding the person, emotionally as well as intellectually.

So, he can maintain strong connection between self & all team members. He helps to build trust and build rapport; it shows he cares to all his team members. Because he listens to all empathetically, his team members are also listened to him with focus & purpose. They together have got confidence and ready to commit for fulfill site goal. Even with much stretched target for each function, they are agreed to take that challenge. That is the miraculous effect of empathetic listening.

“Very often at the source of leadership failure is a lack of listening, a disconnect on what’s really going on right now”– Otto Scharmer, Senior lecturer (MIT)

We have seen many organizations have lose their business and their positions in the competitive markets Viz. Kodak, Nokia, Blackberry etc. for their leaders, who has lack of true listening to their people. There would be a sea change when leaders will be evaluated based on their listening skill instead of speaking.

How do we listen?

We are often thinking, where do I agree? Where do I disagree? What am I going to reply? We are always keeping focus on self. Experts estimates that in communication, the impact of words is 7%, tone is 38% and body language is 55%.

In empathetic listening we need to shift focus from self to other person, we should put ourselves in their shoes, we should listen from within their frame of reference, not ours.

In empathetic listening we listen not just for what being said but for what not said. What behind the words.  Along with ear, we also need to learn for listening with eyes & heart to listen for feelings, underlying emotions and needs. We listen for what the person really needs or wants.

“The most important think in communication is hearing, what is not said” – Peter Durker, Author, and Management Consultant

One day, in morning I was engaged in Newspaper reading while my wife talking to me. Suddenly she told with little high voice “You are not listening to me?”. I look up and said that “Yes, I am listening”, and to prove the same, I repeats almost same sentences what she was told. I felt, she has convinced.

But I was wrong. She has felt hurt as I was not shown any eye contact, no response against her word, not trying to understand her. This is what happens when we listen to a person without showing respect.

The similar events may happen with all of us many times when we are doing work with Laptop, busy with smartphone, watching TV, reading books, listening to music while others are talking to us. Here it is not enough to keep our ears open, we need to demonstrate our engagement in totality and showing respect to speaker.

How we can be a better listener?

In today’s lifestyle, there are real problems for listening in true sense, as our mind are engaged with so many noises and destruction of Working area, society, friends, home, relatives etc., not having much mental ability to truly listen to other side.  It looks difficult but possible, how is it possible?

It may sound new to you, but it is true that, if we want to listen other side, we need to listen ourselves first. On hearing others, whenever we are upset, angry, fear, anxiety, surprise, shocked; we prefer to speak, and many times engaged in arguments, long arguments.

We need to take few moments to pay attention what was going for us. We need to focus on our feelings of emotions after hearing others. By paying attention to those sensations and emotions, we can be able to allow them to neutralize. Took a moment of silence just to calm down our mind and try to listen where we are? So that we could truly listen to others.

It needs some discipline & practice and discipline to concentrate:

Marshall Goldsmith, executive coach, has rightly said “If you cannot listen to yourself, how will you ever be able to listen another person”. He also talks about a simple exercise to test listening skills.

Keep your eyes close and count slowly one to fifty. Don’t let another thought or interruption in your mind. You must concentrate on maintaining the count till fifty.

Though it looks very simply, but survey report tells that many peoples failed to do that. Somewhere around twenty or thirty, some thoughts come in mind. They think about problem at work, their family, society, commitment etc.

Though it looks like concentration test but it’s really a listening exercise. Like any exercise these practices will help to expose a weakness and helps you to get stronger. It also helps our concentration muscles – our ability to maintain focus. This power of concentration will make you a better listener.

Thinking before response:

During conversation many times we tend to quick response and give some good advice. But we normally failed to really understand the person and obviously that person will not be influenced by our advice.

In conversation, before giving response on hearing others, ask yourself “Will it really value add with what I want to say?” That question in our mind will enforce us to think about probable consequences of our reply, How the other person will take it? What would be his
reaction on hearing our reply? 

We need practice that, on hearing others, need to ask ourselves, Do we speak or keep silence? Do we argue or try to understand; Do we rate the comment or simply acknowledge them? Do we reply the keeping consequence in mind, what is it for him and what is it for me?

During conversation with a person, the discipline we need to practice and follow

• We should allow the person to complete the sentence without interruption,
• We should not be distracted, keeping eye contact showing respect while talking another person,
• We should not try to impress with our inelegancy and knowledge,
• We should reply or ask relevant question keeping maintained the purpose & empathy,

“The more you subsume your desire to shine, the more you will shine in the other person’s eye” – Marshal Goldsmith

The last step of practice is Review and follow up: We also need to practice of self-monitoring for improvements of listening skill.

At the end of day, before going to sleep, try to recollect the conversation you had during the day and evaluate that what was your level of listening? Where you feel, you could handle the conversation in better way? How many are empathetic listening among them?

It may look difficult and your count may be very less in beginning. Do continue for a week and you will feel the changes. Now you must apply your mind consciously in tomorrow’s conversation based on today’s evaluation. By continue in process of practice with patience, with time, gradually you can find yourselves progressing to the level of empathetic listener. Once you have started to keep tracking and try to monitor on regular basis one day you will be a Listener in true sense.

With belief on ourselves and practice on above, we can be a better listener day by day. And when we reached that level that it comes through our subconscious mind, it will become habits, we will achieve mastery on it.

The power of true listening is enormous, and it can reduce huge cost of conflict in all areas of life, started from home to working area to society to country to world. It can prevent the conflicts before even they start. Listening in true sense will influenced and inspire the speaker also to listen the next and will continue. That will build a positive culture surrounding us, among organizations, society, friends and family. Let us start from ourselves to build a culture of true listening from today & right now….